To Your Fancy Ma'am
by TheOneYouCallWe
Summary: A freakish insight to the characters of Gravitation, and the unique quirks about them you never knew you knew.
1. Prodigy

Prodigy

One: I have been listening to this non-stop and it just is so inspiring…

We: Cosmic Dare (Pretty With a Pistol). Watch Cowboy Bebop: The Movie. You'll hear it.

One: Still sitting pretty with a pistol in hand, living to love you, will you be my man?

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation. (It feels weird to say that)

Warnings: Humorous look at our favorite legacy, Fujisaki Suguru-kun. Or, Fuji-kun/Sugie-kun.

Summary: Shuichi always thought Suguru was a bit off his rocker, but with new findings, come revelations, come…doujinshi? What!

* * *

"I _knew _it, Hiro." 

"Knew what?"

"Look!" Shuichi pointed towards the Seguchi-prodigy, whom was currently scanning through a manga of sorts…

"So he reads manga. What the else is new?"

"No, look at it! It's…"

"…what the _**fuck is that?"**_

"IT'S A DOUJINSHI HIRO! A DOUJINSHI!" Shuichi shrieked, pointed, glared, and toppled through the door, alarming an already-frantic Suguru to cower beneath a cupboard. His manga, or doujinshi, landed innocently on the ground, opening to a random page.

"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" Suguru screamed in a girly way, pointing his now-very-perverted finger towards the pair sprawled haphazardly on the ground.

"I can't believe you read doujinshi Fujisaki! Which one is this?.?" Shuichi squealed, snatching the manga and opening to the page to see…

"WHY THE HELL ARE ITACHI AND SASUKE MAKING OUT?.! THEY'RE BROTHERS!"

"THAT'S WHY IT'S HOT!"

"…"

"…"

"But…that's like… Tatsuha and…"

Shuichi's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates, mouth gaping like a fish out of water.

"EWWWWWW!" Was all he could muster, before chucking the doujinshi at Suguru's head. "That'S INCEST AND CREEPY AND FREAKY-LIKE! IT'D BE LIKE YOU GETTING IT ON WITH SEGUCHI-SAN!"

"WHAT?.! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THAT IDEA SHUICHI?.! THAT'S SICK!"

"BUT THEY'RE BROTHERS! AND THEY HATE EACH OTHER!"

**_"YES, _**and Itachi left only Sasuke alive! So he must be in love with him or something! He is psychotic and homicidal! Huh?.! EVER THOUGHT OF THAT?.?"

The two bandmates bickered to each other from across the room, with Shuichi occasionally calling Suguru a 'pervert' and a 'sadist' and a 'depraved 17-year-old with a sick sick sense of pleasure' and such.

"PERVERT!"

"WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE?.!"

…not much was different, actually.

…Suguru really ought to meet Tatsuha. They would get along so much better than—

"HEY! ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?.! DON'T IGNORE ME!"

* * *

One: XD Sugie-kun's so fun. 

We: Doujinshi! And that is a scene from an ItaSasu doujinshi.


	2. Shuichi's Just a Bit Sane

Shuichi's Just a Bit Sane

One: This is fun…it's like some sort of drabble series.

We: Yeah, except with making the people look like morons…or sane.

One: Say, Shu-chan

Summary: Welcome to world of tomorrow, in which pink bunnies float in air and green walruses munch happily on human flesh and Shining Collection is the national anthem, and the flag is made of strawberry shortcake and Eiri is made of strawberry pocky. Oh, and welcome to Shuichi's World.

* * *

"BUNNY!"

"What the fuck?.?" Eiri jumped from his chair, landing with a crash on his passed-out lover.

"Bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny…" Shuichi mumbled in his sleep mindlessly, "YAY EDIBLE bunny…OO HUMAN bunny…" he gave an insane giggle and ended with another 'bunny…'

Alarmed, Eiri stared at his drooling man-wife, who was currently trying to eat the carpet while mumbling 'Strawberry Yuki flavored…"

"Shuichi?" he prodded the sleeping boy lightly, who yelped and shrieked, "THE WALRUS IS EATING MY YUKI!"

Eiri was very frightened now.

Just what was Shu-chan dreaming about? Well let's find out…

* * *

_"YAY FOR WALRUS-SAMA!" Shu-shu (1) giggled and kicked at the blonde-haired green walrus who glared venomously and attached it's man-eating jaws to Shu-shu's leg._

_"Silly Walrus-sama… you can't eat Caramel!" And abruptly, Shu-shu's leg morphed into caramel, scaring off the yipping walrus to find other suitable food._

_And of course, who would appear but millions of pink, fluffy, edible bunnies._

_"Bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny bunny…" Shu-shu began counting off the bunnies heads he had eaten, until he came across a pretty pink bunny with green hair and a smaller bunny._

_"OOH HUMAN BUNNY!" Shu-shu tried to glomp the green-pink bunny, but the bunny laughed happily and flew around in circles, Shuichi's eyes following it everywhere._

_"Human bunny come back!" Shu-shu chased the adorable pink bunny, which continued to laugh and screech in a maddening way, "Nyaa nyaa Shu-shu can't catch the Ryu-bunny!" The pink bunny, or Ryu-bunny, laughed happily, until it came across…_

_A platinum blonde green walrus eating a life-size, and very alive, Pocky-Yuki._

_"NOOOOOO MY YUKI! THE FREAKY EVIL WALRUS IS EATING MY YUKI-CHAN!" Shu-shu cried dramatically while Nori-fish consoled him and Tetsuya-hare danced a wild jig, trying to make Shu-shu happy. Sugie-fox shrieked in a girly way and passed out, with Hiro-fox glomped Shu-shu's arm and began nuzzling him.

* * *

_

**MEANWHILE! In the world of the living…**

Eiri was actually scared.

No, he was beyond that.

He was fucking **_petrified._**

Shuichi had been yelling out some of the most obscene things, and drooling on his leg while attempting to scratch his head backwards with his foot, while screeching about 'Pocky-Yukis' and 'Green Walruses.'

…what the hell were they feeding kids these days?

* * *

(1) The nickname I create for Shu-chan. He's just so kawaii, he deserves it. :X

One: It went off tangent after a while, but I liked it…

We: It was fun to write. Loads of fun. :D


	3. And Ryuichi's Just a Bit Crazy

And Ryuichi's Just a Bit Crazy

One: RYU-CHAN! THANK YOU FOR FINALLY ADMITTING TO SHUICHI YOUR UNDYING LOVE FOR HIM! WOOO GO FOR IT! –cheers on Ryuichi-

We: We finished Genzo (Gravitation II) Track 62 last night, and she's still hyped up about it… not that I mind. Ryuichi **_did _**in fact make a move on Shuichi. 'You're the best Sakuma-san!'

Warnings: RyuxShu, pocky, and silliness on the behalf of two genius idiots. So what if Shuichi's 20 and Ryuichi's 33 by the end of Gravitation I? I've seen worse! SuguruxRyu! Sugie's like…er…17 or 18 by the end of the manga? Something like that… it should be quiet obvious that there's a sequel to Gravitation. I mean, gods, at the back of Volume 12 it says something about a 'new relationship may be blossoming!'…I'll be silent.

Summary: Ryu-chan made a bet with the devil (Sha-chan) that she couldn't write a decent RyuxShu story and get poor Ryu some lurvin'. Of course,t here's only one way to pull that off...

* * *

_'Oh for the love of-!'_

"Goddamnit you damn brat stop moaning about your frigging pocky!" Eiri snarled as he harshly kicked his husband (1) in the rear.

"But I want pockyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! I haven't had some since that one time in the anime when I was first seeing you on TEEV!"

"Get your own damn pocky! And stop using me for your snack!" He growled as he attempted to shake of the drooling 20-year-old clamped onto his leg, "Go get wasted or something! I have a deadline! And would you get **_RID _**of that annoying Kitazawa kid?.! I told you I can't stand kids!"

"B-but…Riku's so kawaii…(2)" Shuichi gave Eiri the huge-I'm-gonna-cry-and-be-so-annoying-and-yet-look-so-adorable eyes as he hugged the youngster.

"I don't care if he is! I have been up for 76 ¾ hours and I am **NOT IN A GOOD MOOD." **He bellowed the last few words, making sure for them to be worthy of their blod-ness…

…hey!

I misspelt that!

Wait, wait…

(-insert asterisk here-) He bellowed the last few words, making sure for them to be worthy of their _bold-ness._

Shu-chan (3) sniffed pathetically as he clung to a stupefied Riku and bawled. "Fine, Yuki! If you won't be my pocky, then…then… I'll go ask Sakuma-san!" He drug along the overly-cute Kitazawa Yoshiki-clone and wailing about how Walrus-sama had finally stolen his dear Pocky Yuki.

"Ask him what…?" Eiri was still nervous about the whole Ryuichi-confessing-his-love-for-Shuichi-and-making-a-move-on-Shuichi-and-Shuichi-NOT-REJECTING!-for-Suzaku's(4)-sake-they-were-married!

* * *

Seguchi had a plan. 

A genius plan, that would make both parties happy.

True, Seguchi had given up on protecting his dear Eiri, but now…

He just wanted him.

In every way.

And must stop talking in.

Cho.

Ppe.

D Sen.

Tenc.

Es.

"Ne, ne, Tohma-chan! Do you think it'll work?" The adorable now-actor grinned in that childish way of his, pleading for reassurance.

Oh yes.

It would definitely-

"DAMNIT!"

"Nan?.! What happened Tohma-chan?.!"

"The damn chopped sentences…"

-work.

* * *

Shuichi wanted pocky. 

A lot.

A helluva lot.

"GODDAMN YOU GIVE ME POCKY!" He screeched, alarming the young child he was still dragging with him.

"Mama?" Riku asked him.

"Oh, eh, um… d-don't repeat that first word to Yoshiki-san, alright?"

"I know, but…"

"Eh?"

"There's a guy looking at you strangely. What about Papa, Mama? You won't leave Papa, will you?"

"Eh, um, don't worry… I'm sure it's just…SAKUMA-SAN?.!"

"MY DARLING SHUICHI!" The overly excited actor glomped Shuichi and nuzzled against his neck, accidentally thwacking him with…

Oh, no…

It was…

_Strawberry Pocky._

"Sakuma-san? Can I have some of your pocky?"

"IT'S RYU-CHAN NO DA! And this is my last one…" He gave Shuichi a taste of his own puppy-eyes.

"W-well can we share it?" Oh, dearie me. Shuichi seems to have completely forgotten about-

(Ryuichi shoves authoress(es) out of picture)

"If you want to, no da…"

"Then can you break me off a piece…?"

"Mm-mm." Ryu shook his head, "It's too small to break."

Small.

SMALL?.!

"Then, what?"

"We can share it like this!" Ryuichi grabbed Shu by the collar, as he fiercely crushed his lips to Shuichi's, nothing like their-

(CRASH BAM SMASH)

Ooh, that worked nicely.

Shuichi was totally forgetting about the fact that someone _other than his husband _was currently give him the most passionate lip-lock tongue-tangling kiss ever.

He could only taste the pocky…

Wait.

That wasn't strawberry pocky!

"Mm!" He began to struggle against Ryuichi's grasp. His head was spinning now, as Ryuichi had begun kissing his neck the same way… "W-wait Sakuma-san!"

"Hm?" Ryu's eyes were in 'serious-mode' and filled with desire.

"I…I don't like Choco-Banana pocky…"

Time froze.

"You…you don't?" 

"No…I-I like Strawberry Pocky…"

"But…but I asked Tohma-chan and everything!" Crap. Here come the waterworks…! "WAAAAAAAH SHU-CHAN DOESN'T LIKE RYU-CHAAAAAAAN!"

"TH-THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT, SAKUMA-SAN!"

"IT'S RYU-CHAN NO DA!"

"RIGHT; RYU-CHAN! BUT-I MEAN-I JUST-I DIDN'T YOU DIDN'T KNOW!"

Sniffle. "So, if Ryu-chan has strawberry pocky, can he…?"

"Can he what?"

Ryu-chan was going to have to repay Sha-chan for making Shuichi forget that Ryu-chan was doing something normally not allowed.

"So he can…?"

"Um, sure, whatever it-mmg!"

Mm…strawberries.

Oh, and poor Riku was forgotten by the two kawaii vocalists. Hey, he had blackmail now! Keh heh heh…

* * *

(1) I'm still pissed that they got married. –snarls- 

(2) HE IS SO UNBEARABLY CUTE IT'S UNBELIEVEABLE! –cuddles Kitazawa Riku-

(3) I randomly switched from Shu, to Shu-chan, to Shuichi.

(4) YAMI NO MATSUEI REFERENCE! (If I spelt it right…)


	4. A Proposal to Make

A Proposal to Make

One: CHOIR TOUR CHOIR TOUR CHOIR TOUR!

We: MANGA MANGA MANGA MANGA—OOH! Yami no MATSUEI!

One: SHOUNEN-AI!

Disclaimer: SODA! Nope, don't own Gravitation. ZOMFG IT'S NOT DNANGEL FOR ONCE?.!

Warnings: I was cold, I had sugar, I was excited about MANGAS, and… was in the mood for some ShuichixSuguru. Takes place after Gravitation I. This was originally supposed to be a one-shot alone, but it was so short I just added it to To Your Fancy Ma'am.

Note: This is INSANELY hard to follow. Complete dialogue.

Summary: Shuichi has one of those bizarre nights in which he questions everything that keeps him (mildly) sane.

* * *

"You're…jealous?"

"W-well yeah! I mean, Yuki-san has made Shindou's life a living hell! Of course I'd be jealous!"

"I think you're getting it wrong, Fujisaki. When you say you're jealous, it makes it sound like you're _in love_ with Shuichi."

"Well, that…"

"You…you are? _You're in love with Shuichi?"_

"Don't tell Shindou-san, please, Hiro-san! I-I couldn't bear the embarrassment…"

"…do you realize how odd you're acting?"

"Yes. Love does that to you…"

* * *

"Hiro? Why are you here?"

"It's about Fujisaki."

"What's the twerp done now?"

"Oh, quit with the act. Ever since you broke up with Eiri-san you've been all angry and pissed off and avoiding a certain _someone _like the plague!"

"I am not!"

"Shuichi! I've helped you through so much shit with Eiri-san, and I am trying to help you again. How do you feel for Fujisaki?"

"For Suguru? I…"

"Just **tell **him, Shuichi."

* * *

"Ah, Fujisaki, can I talk to you?"

"Sh-Shindou-sa-!"

"Just call me Shuichi."

* * *

"Um…what do you need from me, Shi-Shuichi?"

"Suguru, come closer."

"That's the first time you called me by my name…"

"Likewise. Now Suguru, I need you to sit down."

"Um, okay…"

"I'm going to kneel in front of you…"

"Uh-Uhm, Shuichi…wh-what are-?"

"Fujisaki Suguru. When Hiroshi told me to tell you everything, I was skeptical at first. After I had given up on Yuki, I had started getting different feelings for you. At first I thought I was just looking for comfort, but it started to change…damnit, this sounds like something from a cliché romance novel…but, anyways…erm…Suguru, will you er…marry me…?"

"Y-You…"

"Heh…?"

"SHUICHI!"

"H-hey, calm down Suguru! Well?"

"Hells yeah."

* * *

"Ugh…what the fuck? Yuki?"

"Mmg."

"Yuki, wake up. WAKE UP!"

"WHAT, goddamnit?.!"

"Hey, Yuki, will you marry me?"

"…the hell?"

"Well, I just had this freakish dream that I had broken up with you and was in love with Fujisaki and I asked to marry him and it was completely cliché and-!"

"…shut up, idiot. If you want to get married, then so be it."

"Hm. Thanks, Yuki."

"Whatever."

* * *

One: That was so bizarre…

We: I could've done so much better…


End file.
